Peas and Elephants

In addition to post below for the last week and a bit ;ets just say my pea rolled back down the hill and for a long time Clayton would not get off my chest, and i spent most of the week ill in bed feeling a bit sorry for myself, but this week seems to be a little bit better and i am motivated once again, lets get that bit more!

Not Enough Planning, Not Enough Commitment

The title says it all really, today did get back into the swing of things a bit with going swimming and doing a steady 16 lengths, but i had my hospital rehabilitation to go to so did not want to do too much.

There is the crux of the matter, i really only have enough energy and health each day if i am lucky to do one good thing for a couple may be a few hours, with breaks and potentially then theres restrictions and problems, too many to go into. I know if i push this envelope i will be bad and ruin the day and possibly more than one or many.

This is the first dilemma, doing too much but i feel so restricted that just doing what i am capable of feels like nothing and no point, so sometimes its easy to either do too much looking for an achievement or think i can't do anything and then do nothing.

But a plan needs to be worked at i hear you saying, well i know this, but so does living, ie housework even in basic amounts needs to be done each day, but i can't do housework and my health in one day i don't have the health or the energy, i can't do two days of housework in one, i can't do shopping and health or usually appointments, social commitments -- you name it i can't do it, so what do you do?

I heard a good example on the radio to imagine you had a chronic health problem and the day to day living, each day you would be given 12 pound coins, and you had to spend them to do activities, if you did not have coins that was the same as the disabled person not having the health, getting up and getting dressed would cost you a pound, if you had an appointment that required 30 minutes travel that would cost you a pound to get there, a pound to wait, for the appointment and a pound to get home, another pound just to recover, thats 5 pounds, basically you ran out of pounds by 4pm every day only having done one or two tasks which are normally centred around your health or maintenance of your existence. Leisure very rare and although appreciated not always enjoyed as the pounds run out quickly keeping up with everyone else. I tried this while i was still at work before my illness took over, and i was running out of coins by noon, no pounds for the drive home and therefore the analogy that you are just causing yourself further harm.

All this is not to say that giving up or inactivity is the answer as it clearly is not, that leads to less mobility in the long run and less pounds allowance, but find the balance is the key, then just maybe with doing an achievable amount daily after a while increasing by a few percent and keeping that as your new regular target for a while.

This is my problem, keeping going, having that plan - although i do most days do things, i do still tend to be ruled by what must be done ie appointments that come in and maintenance activities that demand to be done rather than making things work for me. I also still try to take advantage of a 'good' day to much and on a really bad day once i have rode out the storm of pain need to 'potter' and do a few things instead of just lying on the bed in a medicated vegetative state, its hard but i need to do this, if i am to roll the pea up the hill with my nose, but i need to plan.

Qick Figures

Nearly Forgot

Swimming Friday 24th 20 lengths - Sauna & all the works

swimming today Wednesday 20 Lengths all the works

Down but not out

The one thing that has kept me going in recent years has been swimming. I don't mean Becky Adlington speed, style or stroke for that matter, just whatever state i have been in somehow being able to get myself to the pool on a regular basis and doing a few lengths. Swimming would be the activity above all others that has kept me sane, gave me something to do no matter how little and a reward with a relaxing float, a whirlpool, Jacuzzi, Sauna or Steam room at the end makes it worth the effort and a fully fledged well-being activity that i can put in my mental account in the plus column.

The other thing in my favour is that i am a member of a pretty ok health club close by, its reasonably comfortable, modern, decent gym, studio with lots of classes all hopelessly out of my 'ability' range a simple but good restaurant (if a little leisurely paced with preparing the food) and even physiotherapist onsite. I have been a member quite a few years now but i don't smoke, i dont drink my health puts paid to lots of other activities so this is my one indulgence well one of the few (food is possibly another) (definitely).

so my plan is to make use of this facility as much as i can, a simple one you may say and on average i use it 6 times a month currently, people reading this may think this is not worth it but actually 6 times is the break even point and i was reading an article recently that said that gyms are actually over-subscribed by 5 times the members they could accommodate except once joined and paying regular only one in five turn up at all at any regular interval, so already i use it in the top 20%.

My rough plan is to go 3 times a week; just easy swim at first and see where that gets me in a couple of weeks, any other times can be purely for a sauna or steam room etc.

my other health activity is walking, our dogs need walking each day but get probably 5 walks a week at night, this up to 7 no matter how short

and finally carry on with my treatment at Radcliffe the other end of the forest! I get various health treatments once or twice a week more about these later, but these work ok and may provide future better management solutions - all sounds a bit technical - not really more like shot in the dark.

well thats enough for now, back to bed CeeJay

Well here goes, a new dawn a new blog

This may not seem like a big deal to some, but this is to me - my first blog, well my first entry on my first blog.



I have always meant to keep diaries and journals and started many times with good intentions on the 1st of January each year or at the start of another health programme or hospital regime. I get a few weeks in the either it becomes more like a shopping list or it just thins out to a few words every month, by April there is just a date for the doctors and a note to say that i weighed far to much and swan 18 lengths and had a sauna.


The other issue is with me is that i have a serious health problem, not life threatening, not in the way it will 'do for me' but it controls my life and has taken over my life with pain and inconvenience to the point that it comes first in all situations, i am disabled and that takes some admitting. A journal in this situation is useful and i have tried and succeeded for months at a time but the curse always gets the better of me. The curse is my condition and it getting gradually worse - i have to live it every day, live every last painful minute of it, when you have a plan and there are distractions in your life like you are well enough to work, you may feel exhausted and in discomfort but basically you have your plan and feel you can write it down at the end of the day - great,


But i personally find that when as now and quite a few times in the past a journal of my health may in theory be useful in actuality spending 20 minutes a night reliving the abject sometime appallingly awful days i have is not what i wish to do, i just want to go to sleep, i can manage the lengths swam or the physiotherapy stretches mustered but not the finer details of pain, especially as to make any sense of it you have to then evaluate days and weeks worth of pain data back to back and pick out patterns of activity and discomfort, 'flare-up' trends, lets face it -who in their right mind would want to poor over that - i know it i live it, except...............


I know the feelings and bulk reasons but not the finite details as i am so engrossed in my condition a journal would be like having an impartial eye, and.........


although i desperately do not want to poor over misery the bigger picture is if i could pick out just enough information to push the window of condition management by 5% or spot a trigger and remove it, or spot a better remedy that helps in a TIGHT spot, by 5% even by 2% then the bigger picture has to be worth it.


so for my first blog entry i have ended up taking about my health and my reluctance to journalise my health conditions experience, which is something i wanted to avoid, i wanted to come on here and sound interesting, so people would come across my blog by accident and think wow this guy has something to say lets see what else hes got. Not that i am on some sort of trip to get my voice heard, i will be happy if i can make a regular commitment, my entries are worthy and no-one reads this but me.


So i am going to leave it there, i may split my blog into two, health and Muse IE how my battle against trying to be as well as i can be is going and all the other stuff i would like to journal about and do in life but gets pushed to the side and i keep ignoring, i need to move on love the elephant thats parked itself in the room and wont leave, i have been trying to push it out for so long, but it just sits there blowing on its trunk. I am going to call it Clayton


so bye from me and bye from Clayton - see you soon xx